Getting into a relationship?
What to know before a relationship is not something you come across everyday. I know whats on your mind now. Why did I even click this read? Do I need advice before getting into a relationship? I mean its the right of everyone 18 and above. And its written no where as a law that you must seek advice before getting into a relationship.
Well, you are right. Its the right of everyone 18 and above and there is no law written any where that you must seek advice before getting into a relationship, like its law that you must have a license before driving a car. As much as this is true, reading this is one of the best decisions you can ever make if you are about getting into a relationship or you are already in one. You know why? Because knowledge is power. You will find this useful I promise you. A lot of heart breaks would have been avoided if a lot of people that have experienced it had a material like this to read.
To why you are reading this, here are all you should know before getting into a relationship:
1) YOU MUST BE 18 OR ABOVE
Though we start developing feelings for the oposite s-e-x before we become 18, its advised we get into a relationship after we become 18 or above. Getting into a relationshipat this age, we would have mature enough to make the right decisions ourselves. That is why our parents are protective of us before we become 18. Sometimes over protective though. They won’t accept it because they don’t trust our decisions at any age before 18, most especially when it involves getting into a relationship. Its so because of the many responsibilities that goes with being in a relationship that we might not be ready for. For the ladies, you might get pregnant, the guys might get a girl pregnant and deny the responsibility because they are not ready for it. You might contact s-e-x-u-a-l-l-y
transmitted disease without even being aware because you are still getting to know your body, and many other reasons why you must wait. One Nigerian Celebrity Beverly Osu recently said some that got my attention. She said,
” If I dated you before I became 20, you are not my ex.”
I believe she laugh whenever she think back to the relationships she got into before she became 20. She must have made that statement comparing her current level of awareness on relationships to when she was a teenager. She is currently 27.
2) ITS NOT NECESSARY THAT YOU MARRY THE FIRST PERSON YOU DATE
Many ladies have committed suicide because of this. They think the first person they date Is the person they must marry. If this don’t work out, they result to suicide from depression. This is mostly as a result of their loosing their virginity to that person. Ladies so attach this understandable importance to their virginity that they assume the person that disvirgin them is suppose to be the one to marry them. Some of them go to the extent of promising themselves that it must be the person that disvirgin them that must marry them. If this don’t happen, they get depressed and result to voilent means to get the guy to marry them, the ones that don’t result to voilence allow depression overshadow them to the extent of their commiting suicide. You don’t have to kill yourself or force someone to love you, you are worth more than you think. Just hold on, you will surely meet someone that will love and cherish you without your virginity. Infact, a lot of sweet marriages today don’t happen because the man marry his wife a virgin, they happen because the two people involved accept each others flaws and cherish each other for who they are. 90 percent of the marriages we have today if we are to run a statistics didnt result from a first attempt at a relatiobship. Some happen after one, two, or three broken relationship. Ask any married person you know. You might be surprised they got into more than three relationships before finally finding the one.
3) ITS NOT EVERY RELATIONSHIP THAT MUS LEAD TO MARRIAGE
You must understand this before getting into a relationship. A relationship involves a lot of emotional sacrifice, why people cry when it does not end up in marriage. Not everyone cry though, some date for the fun of it. A lot of the times the person they are in the relationship with will be thinking otherwise until it dawns on them that they are being taken for granted, leading to heart break. I understand they get heart broken because of their commitment and all the emotional sacrifice they have invested in the relationship. A lot of the times, this happen to take us to the right person. Rather than take any heart break you experience in your journey of love as the end, I want you to see it as a blessing in disguise. You know why, a broken relationship as they say, Is better than a broken marriage. You deserve to be loved as you love. So if you get into a relationship and it does not work out as you expected, don’t see it as the end of your chances of finding true love. Take it as a step forward to meeting the right one for you.
4) MUST BE HAPPY IN THE RELATIONSHIP
Happiness has many definitions this days. Some people can be dating a married man or woman helping them break their home and be happy. Some people can be in more than one relationship at a time and be happy with it. I don’t mean these kinds of happiness. The happiness I mean here is the one that is in agreement with our conscience. One in which We have rest of mind knowing we are faithful to our partner and him or her is faithful to us and we are happy to be together because we are responsible for each other. You shouldnt settle for anything short of this. A lot of the times, the kind of guys or ladies that will come our way are the ones we know we won’t find this sort of happiness with. Stand your ground and wait till you get a partner that will give you that sort of happiness. Its not going to be easy but it will be worth it. Better to be in a relationship you enjoy than to be anyones experiment or second or sometimes third choice. You deserve to be happy. Choose happiness.
5) NEVER GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP TO CHANGE SOMEONE TO BECOME YOUR SPEC
Sometimes, we meet a person we love. They have eveything we want in the man or woman of our dreams. Then they have a ‘but’. This ‘but’ will cut them off from our spec. It might be smoking, excessive drinking, womanizing, keeping unnecessary late nights, not being appreciative, disrespect for others, jealousy, and many other reasons that cut them off the kind of person you dream of spending the rest of your life with. Then, this excuse of nobody is perfect comes in to tempt us to accept them, with the hope that we will change them. My dear, it will be a big mistake if you fall for this temptation. 99.9% of the people who have tried it ended up regretting it. Nobody is perfect we know, if you must go into a relationship with someone and bend your rules to accept them, make sure its someone with a habit you will be happy to tollerate even if they don’t change, because one area people have failed woefully at, in life, is the area of changing another human being. There is 99.9% posibility that you will fail and get depressed by your efforts at changing them. I don’t advice you do this at all. If they are not your spec, you will never be happy with them. Admire them and move on till you find the one you dont have to change to date.
6) THAT SOMEONE PREACH LOVE TO YOU OR BUY YOU GIFTS TO WIN YOUR HEART DOESNT MEAN THEY LOVE YOU
Hearing someone saw ‘I love you’, to you or buy you gifts to show it, most especially expensive gifts that you admire, gives us this feeling of importance. But then, we should watch it and don’t let it kill our sense
of thought. A lot of the times they dont mean it. They say it for selfish reasons. It could be to get you in bed and move to the next victim. So you must be very careful to accept gifts and react to ‘I love it’ statements. Most especially gifts that you cannot afford, for the ladies. It has led to a lot of rape. Dont accept the gifts if you know you won’t date them. Let them know you aporeciate but you are not interested. Never give them the green light at all. Whenever someone tell you they love you, make sure they mean it before you accept. How will you know they mean it? Keep them on a hold and do a background check. Find out If they are in a relationship already, if not, how their previous relationships ended. If they treat and care for ladies as you would love to be treated and cared for. A lot of the times, ladies dont do a background check. They just fall because he tell them he loves them. This happens mostly if he is a rich guy that dress fine. No disrespect for rich guys, they are mostly the ones that does this. They know the ladies fall for them easily, so most of them takes breaking ladies heart as a hobby till they get caught up in love. You might be the one to make them fall in love you say? Don’t be an experiment when you can be in a true relationship, Where ‘I love you’ means ‘I love you.’
7) LET HAPPINESS AND FULFILLMENT GUIDE YOU, NOT YOUR LENGHTY LIST OF QUALITIES THEY MUST POSESS
Cindarella is one movie that gives every adult a laughing moment whenever we think back to how the movie made us dream of having a Cinderalla and a Prince Charming some days in our perfect world. A lot of us make a list of what we want for a lady and a guy, and look forward to having it as we listed it until it dawned on us that Cindarella was just a movie and our real life experience is difderent from what we see in movies. Making a list is good and having a spec is sweet but truth is, we might have to wait a lifetime to find someone with all the qualities we want in our list. Rather than use a list, letting happiness and fulfillment guide you is a proven way to go about getting the right one. You can never find someone with all the qualities you desire in the man or woman of your choice, but you can find someone you will be happy and fulfilled with. It doesnt mean they will be perfect. They will still have weaknesses like every human being but it must be ones you can tollerate and be happy to live with for the rest of your life.
8) FINANCIAL STATUS
Many people make this mistake of putting financial status as the first thing to look out for in the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. If him or her is not rich, they shouldnt come near. Some even go to the extent of having the kind of family him or her must be from, and they must be rich or have an empire of a successful business. The kind of house him or her must be living in, and the kind of car they must be driving. A lot of them end up being single for the rest of their lives or being sugar mummies or daddies, chasing guys and ladies that should be their children. Some become victims of fraud in the process of trying to satisfy a void they created themselves. A lot of them ended up hating their parents for setting this standard for them.
I get it, everyone needs comfort in a relationship and money serves this purpose well, but it shouldnt be a guide to choosing who to spend the rest of your life with. If him or her has something legitimate doing to support you in taking care of your needs , the needs of the number of children the both of you decide to have together, plus give you the happiness and fulfullment you desire in a relationship, and has a vision you are okay with, why not accept them. The best marriages in the world today are the ones in which both partners grow together. If him or her is ready to grow with you and you know you will find happiness and fulfillment in them, don’t let status stop you.
9) YOUR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS MUST TALLY
Its very important your religious beliefs tally with that of the person you want to get into a relationship with. They don’t necesaarily have to be of thesame religion with you, but you must be in agreement about a lot of things religiously, most especially when it comes to your relationship with other human beings and treating them with love and care. If your religions cannot agree in this area, don’t make the mistake of going into the relationship. The relationship won’t work out. Except you are going into it for other reasons than finding fulfillment and happiness.
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